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Derbies come in all shapes and sizes. Manchester United versus Liverpool is all about proximity and championships. Real Madrid versus Barcelona is similarly about greatness, but adds a dash of national identity to the mix. Then there are matchups like Scotland’s “Old Firm” derby between Rangers and Celtic that mixes politics, religion and soccer supremacy all into one.
Among these derbies with their long histories and big-picture significance sits Crystal Palace and Brighton & Hove Albion. The two rivals treated fans to a 3-2 classic on Saturday that saw Palace emerge victorious. The rivalry between the Eagles and Seagulls is the ugly duckling of derbies because there is no reason for it to exist. The two clubs aren’t particularly close — Brighton are from Sussex while Palace are based 40 miles north in London. They also don’t play each other all that often. In the past 30 years they faced off a grand total of 16 times, and four of those weren’t even league matches. They also aren’t particularly good teams — promotion up the league table is usually the prize the clubs are vying for.
But what it lacks in traditional rivalry-making material it more than makes up for in oddness. In 1976, the clubs appointed managers who detested each another — Terry Venables for Palace and Alan Mullery at Brighton. The teams played each other a few times that year with one game famously ending with Mullery cussing out a ref and then storming into the Palace dressing room so he could throw a pocket full of coins at Venables, yelling, “that’s all you’re worth, Crystal Palace!” Then, in 1989, the clubs played each other in an FA Cup that saw the ref award a staggering five penalties in 27 minutes. Finally, there was 2013’s “Poo-gate” when Palace visited Brighton and found human excrement in their locker room, bathroom and shower.
With such a history of insanity, there’s little wonder that Saturday’s game was such a humdinger. In just 34 minutes, five goals were scored and both sets of fans experienced joy, gut punches and feelings of impending doom.
Palace talisman Wilfried Zaha got things started in the fifth minute when he blundered the ball over the line in a chaotic Brighton box. Nine minutes later, James Tompkins made it two when Brighton’s box yet again turned into a writhing mass of bodies. Selhurst Park’s euphoria lasted just four minutes. There’s a reason the Londoners are fighting against relegation, and former Palace striker Glenn Murray pulled one back for Brighton following yet another penalty area breakdown. This time it just so happened to take place in the Palace box.
A feeling of nervousness descended upon Palace fans but Zaha was there to save the day again. Channeling his inner Christian Benteke, the $42 million Belgian striker who is so out of form that he’s been relegated to the bench, Zaha lept into the air like spawning salmon to get his head to a Luka Milivojevic cross to make it 3-1. This time, Palace’s joy lasted for a whole 10 minutes before Jose Izquierdo streaked in on goal to pull one back for Brighton.
The rest of the game was 56 minutes of madness. On at least two different occasions, Murray squandered good chances to get the equalizer as Palace sunk deeper and deeper to protect their lead. Palace, meanwhile, had a number of counter-attacks that really should have produced a fourth, game-killing goal. It didn’t come, but it didn’t matter. Palace got the win and are now six points above the relegation zone in 16th place. Brighton are a full point ahead of their rivals in 13th place. Given how putrid West Brom, Stoke and Southampton are, both teams are likely safe, which is a very good time for neutrals.
Insane derbies bring excitement to otherwise meaningless parts of the Premier League season. Man City wrapped up the title over the weekend, the top four are virtually locked in place and West Brom are a certain lock to go down. Thus, there’s not much for teams to play for besides pride and that’s what derbies like Brighton versus Palace are all about.
Goal of the Week
Mohamed Salah, Liverpool 3 – 0 Burnley
While Tottenham’s Harry Kane was making his case to the dubious goal commission over a barely headed goal he supposedly scored last week, Salah showed the English striker how headers are supposed to be done. Never letting his eyes leave a 30-yard looping cross, the Egyptian allowed the ball to bounce off his head and directed it perfectly into the corner. He never even had to look at the goal or goalie to know exactly where he needed to put it.
Buzzer Beater of the Week
Tom Ince, Huddersfield 1 – 0 Watford
Football, as Al Pacino famously said in “Any Given Sunday,” is a game of inches. That applies to soccer as well. Huddersfield are battling for their Premier League survival and scoring in the 90th minute against a vastly superior Watford is just the sort of inch that keeps teams like The Terriers away from the drop zone.
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